How to rise above it

Do you know someone who is ‘challenging’? Do they actively try to put you down? Blank you? Or just generally make life unpleasant. Are there ways we can stop this from affecting us and learn how to rise above it?

I think we all come across people in our day to day lives whose behaviour doesn’t sit well with us. They’re the ones that seem to dislike you for no real reason or create conflict unnecessarily. I imagine most of us have experienced people who are difficult for no known reason or seem to want to make trouble.

It’s hard not to overthink these situations or let it affect your own sense of self by wondering if it’s something about you that enables people to behave badly. I’ve spent too much time either making excuses for someone’s behaviour or letting it affect my confidence. The fact is we are all accountable for our own behaviour and sometimes it’s just not ok.

Whilst I do think there are times we project our own insecurities on others, there are other situations where we need to remember: it’s not me, it’s you.

How best to handle toxic behaviour?

We all need boundaries and to learn how to recognise when they’re being overstepped. We don’t have to put ourselves in situations that makes us feel uncomfortable. If they’re friends or relatives and you feel the relationship is toxic, then I would suggest limiting contact or removing them from your life altogether. But what do you do if it’s a work colleague? Or a partner’s friend? Or someone that it’s just not that easy to avoid?

How do you rise above it?

Rising above it means you don’t let yourself be controlled by other people’s negative behaviours. It doesn’t mean you’re weak or are allowing bad behaviour (please note, I’m not suggesting this for harmful situations); it just means you are not letting someone else’s toxic behaviour affect you.

It’s important to remember that how someone behaves says much more about them, than you. You can’t control other people’s behaviour, you can only think about how you respond.

4 ways to rise above it

Sleep on a difficult situation. You may find that it matters to you less the following day, or that you are calmly able to say something.

Reduce interactions with negative people and increase them with positive people who make you feel good about yourself. Life’s too short to spend with people who make you feel miserable.

Don’t sweat the small stuff. Ever had a sleepless night replaying a scenario in your head where this time you had the wittiest comeback putting someone in their place? Yes, me too. The reality is, it doesn’t matter. Who cares who had the last word? It’s point-scoring and isn’t going to resolve anything.

Remember people who pick faults are usually doing it as a way to deflect attention from their own shortcomings. It’s a defense mechanism and really they should have the emotional intelligence to look at themselves. Try to ignore them and just focus on being the best version of you.