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Understanding your Human Design

December 16, 2020
human design

What is Human Design?

Human design is a system which helps you understand how you respond to the world – and the role you’re designed to play in it.

It brings together the principles of I Ching, astrology, kabbalah, the hindhu-brahmin chakra systems and quantum physics using the date, time and location of your birth to reveal your unique human design.

Still with me? Good. So, what Human Design really gives you is a practical guide to who you really are. It’s almost like being given a road map to yourself. 

Learning to understand your Human Design means you’ll start to become in alignment and live your life in the way that you’re designed to. It won’t make your life easier in a sense because we will all have struggles and challenges to deal with, however, it will help you understand how you should respond and make decisions enabling your life to flow.

We’re all born with our own unique design and the more we go through childhood, the more we lose the essence of our real self. Human Design brings us back to ourselves so we can start to live life as we’re meant to.

Making decisions based on our Human Design

I think we’ve probably all been in situations where we’ve felt we’ve pushed into a decision and it hasn’t been right. Or wanted something so badly, we’ve tried to force it to happen and felt like we’re swimming in treacle. What Human Design does is show how best to make decisions aligned with who we are – so we’re going for what’s right for us at the right time, rather than chasing what isn’t. 

Human Design is a really complex system that can give you guidance on pretty much every aspect of your life: relationships; careers; diet and what you’re here on earth to do. 

You can have your full Human Design read by an analyst. However, there are also some free tools you can access to give you some information about your design. These tools include your Human Design type and your strategy, which gives you an introduction to your energy, your aura and how best to use both.

Human Design types and strategies

Finding out your Human Design type helps us understand our energy and how we’re designed to move through the world. We all have different levels of energy and some of us can keep going and going – whilst other types are not designed to do this. Human Design helps us understand this and determine what works best for us.

There are four different types that each have their own Strategy. Your Strategy gives the information we need to make decisions most aligned with who we are.

So what are each of the Human Design types?

Generators

Generators represent about 75 percent of the population. They have a consistent energy source which means they can keep going when they’re doing work they’re aligned to. The flip side is, they can also get burnt out when doing work that they’re not.

Generators have a big powerful aura which affects the people around them. So when they’re doing work or living in a way that lights them up, then it lights up other people too. But the harder question really is, how do you identify what lights you up? Generators should try to listen to their gut (sacral centre) and make decisions from your instincts, trying not to overrule it with your mind. They’re here to master a skill and sometimes that means feeling fed up or stuck, however, mastering something does mean sticking at it. Generators should listen to their sacral response before making a decision as to stick or leave what they’re trying to learn.

Generator strategy

The strategy for a generator is to wait to respond. So rather than going out there hustling and trying to make things happen, generators should just wait and see what happens. Now, I’m a generator and this goes against everything I know. I feel like the only way things have ever happened for me is when I’ve worked for them. But, is that really true or is it just a story I’ve told myself? I’m learning to take a step back, set intentions and put ideas out there – whilst giving space for opportunities to come to me, rather than trying to force them to happen.

Manifesting generator

The design of a manifesting generator isn’t dissimilar to that of a generator. They have the energy to keep going when they’re doing something that’s right for them. Again, their work lights them up and they have the ability to keep going. They move faster than other people and can juggle lots of plates at once but they have to be careful not to overcommit. They should use their sacral response to guide them to the right decision.

Manifesting generator strategy

The strategy for a manifesting generator is slightly different though. Like a generator, they should wait to respond but they should also think about who else might be impacted before taking action and then inform them. This isn’t about asking for permission – it’s just simply letting other people know what you’re going to do because this will lead the way to less resistance.

We’ve all been taught that we should choose one thing and stick with it. This is different for manifesting generators who are designed to try lots of things and let go of the ones that don’t work. They just need to inform people when they do.

Manifestors

Manifestors are here to initiate. They’re the ones who get the ball rolling. They don’t need to necessarily finish what they started – other human design types are here to help with that. Their role is to act as a creative force and get things going. Don’t feel bad if you start something and don’t finish it – this right for you. You’re designed to initiate and then move on.

Manifestors can have a powerful aura which sometimes causes people to react. This isn’t your fault or something you should feel the need to control – just be aware of it so you learn not to take it personally. Manifestors actually don’t require external input or inspiration – it all comes from within. This means you need to maintain a constant connection to your internal voice and find peace within.

Manifestor strategy

The manifestor strategy is to inform others before taking action. Just like the manifestor generators above, this isn’t about permission, it’s just letting people know what you plan to do. It’s about creating less resistance so you can move forward with ease. You may also find your relationships become easier too.

Projectors

Projectors have a focused and penetrating aura which gives them the ability to see deeply into others. They need to be thoughtful about how they use their energy. Society has told us that we need to be always go-go-go. However, this isn’t always the best way to be for a projector and can lead to burn out. Projectors work in bursts of energy, which allows them to get a lot done in a short space of time. However, they need to also take some time to recuperate. 

Projectors are at their best when steering and shaping the ideas and energies of other people. They’re good at seeing the big picture and are able to recognise talents and gifts in other people bringing them together. 

Projector strategy

Their Strategy is to wait to be invited to share their wisdom. They should wait for big life decisions such as relationships, career/work and where to live until they get an invitation. This is so there’s the right energetic exchange. Don’t worry about not getting an invitation, the Projector’s aura is so powerful, it drives the right people to you – and once you’re in, then you can start manifesting and intitating and driving things forward.

Reflectors

Reflectors represent about 1 percent of the population. They process and experience energy very differently from the other Human Design types. Reflectors are here to be wise observers by sampling, magnifying and reflecting people’s auras back at them. They’re really gifted at being able to detect when something is out of line or unusual. In an ideal world, each community would have a reflector who can act as a barometer for the health of the collective.

Reflectors are able to read other people’s auras and understand who they truly are. This makes them extremely empathetic. However, their own aura is actually quite resilient. It’s important though that they have the right environment and community to call home. They need the right people about them who will listen and support their decision making. 

Reflector strategy

For reflectors, their strategy is to connect to lunar energy. So this means waiting 28 days before making any major decisions and use this time to discuss your options with trusted friends. A good peer group is really important for reflectors so they can discuss decisions and use them to reflect ideas. 

Where can you find out more?

You can get a simple and free Human Design birth chart from:

https://www.ihdschool.com/get-your-chart

https://freehumandesignchart.com/

You can also ask me any questions.

soul

How to find your purpose (and make your soul sing)

August 20, 2019
How to find your purpose (and make your soul sing)

Feeling lost and drifting 

Three years ago (not quite to the day) I went on maternity leave for a year. This was the longest time I’d ever been away from work and I felt it would be a good time to think about what I really wanted from life. I gave myself two objectives: one (and obviously the most critical) to nurture my son; and secondly to use the time to find my purpose.

I had been feeling like I was drifting for quite a while and wasn’t really sure what I wanted to do with my life. I had low level dissatisfaction with work: it wasn’t amazing, but I wasn’t crying in the toilets either. I felt like I had changed and my job wasn’t quite the right fit for me anymore. I needed to understand what it was that would make me happy.

This is why I wanted to go on this voyage of self-discovery and really try to understand what makes my soul sing.

Now, spoiler alert, I didn’t find my purpose during maternity leave. A) I had a newborn to look after so didn’t have the time and B) l never had a lightbulb moment where suddenly everything fell into place.

I’m saying this to illustrate that finding your purpose is a journey and may not happen overnight. It’s a process of exploration.

Here’s what I learnt along the way.

The world isn’t your oyster

For a self-help/self-development/wellbeing blog, it might seem discouraging to say the world isn’t your oyster. Surely that’s going against the grain of everything I say?

Well yes and no. I believe if you really want to do something, then you should throw everything at it. Life’s too short for coulda, woulda, shoulda.

However, if you’re floundering around like a fish washed up on the shore waiting for the tide to sweep you back into the sea, then sometimes you need to be able to focus on what you need in that moment in time. Otherwise, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed with too many choices, which leads to indecision.

So focus on your needs, then your wants. Be pragmatic. 

What I mean by that is in my situation, as much as I’d like to spend all my time with my son pottering around my local area, it’s never going to be a realistic option for me. I’m the breadwinner and financially, I have to work to support my family. Momma’s gotta make rent and all that. 

I also genuinely like work. I enjoy being around people from different backgrounds and learning from their experiences. I also have a reasonably creative job and it’s important to me that I can using my brain in that way.

So whatever I did had to support those needs (financial) and those wants (being creatively fulfilled). 

It’s important to recognise here that we quite often think finding our purpose means finding a job we really like (I realise my examples above reinforce that..). However, I personally feel it involves taking much more of a holistic look at our lives overall to understand what gives us meaning.

Sometimes, there are ways of getting what we want in other ways outside of employment. Plus, whilst work can give us external validation, it doesn’t always give us the inner fulfilment we need.

This is why it’s important to check in on yourself and reflect on what your needs are because they change throughout your life – and your purpose will do too. Our lives all develop and evolve.

What makes you tick? 5 probing questions to ask yourself

I often think I’d like to move to a small holding surrounded by goats and sheep; yet the reality is I’d find that life really hard. I don’t mind getting up early but truthfully a 4am start in winter isn’t my jam.

This is why it’s important to ask yourself what really makes you happy?

Take some quiet time to yourself and sit down with a pen and paper. Write down your feelings in response to the following 5 questions.

1. What comes easily to you?

2. What makes you feel energised when you’re doing it?

3. Where would you like to be in the future? Write down how you want to see your future self.

4. When did you feel the happiest in life? Write down all the occasions you felt true happiness.

5. What would you do if you stopped holding yourself back?

Now reflect on what you’ve written to see if there are any common threads or thoughts. Does anything spark your interest or make you want to explore it more?

Can you use what you’ve written to create a vision for your life? How about putting some goals to help you put this into action? Are there steps you can take first?

The best way is just to start 

Do you ever have an idea and then immediately think of several reasons why it wouldn’t work?

Well, stop that. Stop that right now. 

I only really started promoting this blog (by which I mean sharing links on Twitter) back in June. For ages, I felt stupid and embarrassed that someone I know might read it. 

I had other reasons for writing initially. I wanted to write about something I felt passionate about and use it as way to hold myself to account. But the more time I spent writing, the more ridiculous it seemed to not share it. Otherwise, I may as well just be writing a diary.

So I started to share links and take my blog a bit more seriously and funnily enough, the only thing that happened is more people now read what I write. No one has said: this is the worst thing I’ve ever read or judged me. And if they do, so what? It’s just their opinion.

It’s easy to let our fears of being judged stand in our way. We’ve already decided it’s a disaster and so don’t even start. Whilst this is our way of trying to protect ourselves, we also don’t let ourselves grow and look for new opportunities. 

Please remember it’s just an annoying voice in your head and not your reality so try not to let it hold you back.

It’s ok to change your mind

Sometimes I think we feel the idea is the destination and once we have that cracked, the rest will fall into place. This is why we end up feeling so indecisive at the beginning becuase we feel we have to get it exactly right.

However, our lives don’t stay still: they transform throughout our lives so we don’t need to have the answers right away. This is why I feel like it’s important to try different things to see what makes you happy and sets your soul on fire.

It’s funny how sometimes life has a way of gaining momentum once you start putting thoughts into action. It’s like a chain reaction takes place and opportunities start coming your way.

“Life’s what happens when you’re busy making other plans”

John Lennon

What if your real purpose is just to be you?

Imagine a world where you feel truly connected to what you need and that you can live your life based on your needs. Where you trust your instincts, follow your intuition and make decisions based on what feels right.

Your true purpose is to live your life without limiting beliefs and wondering about the what ifs. It’s about learning what’s right for you, not worrying about what other people are doing and putting thoughts into action (or recognising its ok to stay still). It’s about being happy with the decisions you make in this moment in time and recognising you can shift and change in the future. We’re ever evolving.

Your real purpose in life is just to be you.

mind

How to silence your inner critic

August 17, 2019
How to silence your inner critic

I’m far too busy judging myself to worry about judging you.

Quite often (and generally in a work context), I will be talking out loud and a voice will start in my head saying, ‘stop, you sound ridiculous, Just stop before you embarrass yourself any further’.

This voice tells me I look too fat in my clothes, that I’m ageing and wrinkled. It likes to analyse situations and tell me where I’m going wrong. This can be in the moment or after the event – it doesn’t discriminate. It points out my inadequacies and then really hones in on what I could have done better. It only focuses on the negatives, never the positives and really enjoys making me feel bad about myself.

This voice is my inner critic.

If things don’t go my way, my inner critic will tell me it’s because I’m stupid / useless / annoying / a bad person (delete as appropriate). And when things do work in my favour, my inner critic will still find a way to put me down. It’s the last kind of person you want on your team.

I’m sure all of us have an inner critic, particularly as it’s impossible to go through life without experiencing self-doubt at some point. However, if this situation does apply, then I need to meet you and discover what you’re doing differently to the rest of us..

The difference is for some of us, our inner critic can be debilatating and it can stop us from reaching our full potential.

This is why we need to learn how to silence it (or at least put it on mute).

Why the critical voice in our head stands in our way

Listening to our inner critic point out our every ‘failure’ fundamentally leads to low self-esteem and feelings of poor self-worth. It’s hard to feel confident when a little voice is telling you you’re not.

My inner critic tends to be at its most vocal when I’m feeling a bit down about myself anyway. This then becomes a vicious cycle because the lower our self-esteem, the more our inner critic attacks what confidence we have left.

Our inner critic helps us build up patterns of limiting beliefs. This is where we tell ourselves we’re not good enough or a course of action wouldn’t be right for us. Our limiting beliefs are defensive mechanisms where we try and stop ourselves from getting hurt or looking foolish. But ultimately, they stand in our way and don’t let us take new opportunities or progress.

The important thing to remember though is that your inner critic isn’t real. It’s just a stupid voice in your head.

How to silence your inner critic

The best short term way of getting rid of your inner critic is to become aware of it. Remind yourself it doesn’t mean anything. Recognise it’s unhelpful and try to dismiss it as just that.

Longer term, mindfulness and learning how to calm your mind will help to silence your inner critic. It helps us to observe our thoughts and let them go whilst recognising they’re not our reality.

Gratitude also helps me. It makes me feel more positive about myself, in control of my own life and can recognise the good things that are going on (rather than just the bad).

The better I feel, the more able I am to tell my inner critic to pipe down.

mind

Why we need to practice self-compassion

June 26, 2019
self-compassion and why you need to practice it

Ever ruminate over something you said, which you could have said better? Or beat yourself up over how you could have dealt with a situation differently? 

Do you tell yourself you should be further ahead than you are? Be more confident/quick-witted/have the body of a 20 year-old when in reality you’re 44?* 

*I appreciate the last one might just be me… 

Well, it sounds like you need to practice self-compassion. 

What is self-compassion?

Self-compassion is the practice of extending compassion and kindness to yourself in instances of perceived inadequacies, failure or general suffering. 

It’s talking to yourself kindly and being more mindful of your inner voice.

Self-compassion means talking to ourselves in a way that we would to a friend.

Are you your own worst critic? 

There is absolutely no way I would talk to a friend in the same way, I talk to myself. It would be cruel, hurtful and I would have no friends left.

I’m not analysing their every move and criticising everything they do. I’m not listening to every word they say questioning whether or not they used the right terminology or phrasing. Neither am I listening to them talk about things that have gone wrong and thinking, well you cocked that up again…

But for some reason, we think its ok to beat ourselves up and give ourselves a really hard time. And it’s ridiculous.

Understanding the difference between bad decision making and being a bad person

There is a massive difference between making a bad decision and being a bad person.

I for one, have a tendency to confuse the two. I can literally take one bad incident, apply it to the whole of my life and tell myself I have a character defect.

Yet if my friend had made a mistake, I wouldn’t automatically think, you’re a terrible person who sucks at life. You know the whole person and all their good points. You understand they’re human and things happen. In those instances, I want to make my friend feel better and reassure them they’re doing ok.

However, I can spend hours ruminating over my choice of words and criticising myself for getting them wrong. Frankly, it’s exhausting.

Self-compassion doesn’t mean overlooking your mistakes and not taking responsibility for things. It’s not a way of shrugging your shoulders and acting like things haven’t happened or ignoring someone’s feelings. It means recognising those mistakes, dealing with them, then building a big old bridge and getting over it.

Learn to love yourself

If you can't love yourself, how in the hell can love somebody else?
Wise words from Rupaul

I remember in my single days reading a lot about the importance of loving yourself before getting into a relationship and it’s so true. 

The reality is if you treat yourself like sh*t; then how can you expect someone else to come along and treat you better? You’re telling yourself continually that you don’t deserve love.

This is why self-compassion is so important. 

It’s not just romantic relationships but all areas of life: family, friendships, work etc.

I sometimes look back at things that have happened in my life and think why did you let that happen? I had no idea what boundaries were, never mind know how to set them.

However, I’m learning to be kinder to myself when looking back at the past. I didn’t have the tools then to be able to deal with certain situations, and to a degree, we need these things to happen to in order to grow. 

So how do you start practising self-compassion?

  • Recognise in yourself that you deserve better.
  • Think of areas or issues that you give yourself a hard time over and write down how you would approach the same situation with a friend. Would you use the same language? Would you be kinder?
  • Change your inner voice to the one you would use to speak to a friend.
  • Appreciate your successes as well as situations that don’t go your way.
  • Remember, it’s not always about you… Didn’t get the job? It doesn’t mean you’re a terrible interviewee; it just means there was someone who was a better fit. Someone doesn’t like you as much as you like them? It doesn’t mean you’re a deeply unattractive person; they just don’t feel the same way and that’s ok. It happens and it’s not personal.
  • Appreciate that change is incremental. We don’t simply become better humans: we evolve and grow. Stop giving yourself such a hard time.

It’s all about the journey, not the destination

I often think we have strong ideas on the type of person we’d like to be or think we should be and then get cross with ourselves when we fail those expectations.

Change doesn’t happen overnight. So don’t give yourself a hard time because you’re not yet the perfect you. Be kind, pick yourself up and start again.

Tomorrow is a new day.


self-care

What is self-care and why do you need it?

June 18, 2019
What is self-care and why do you need it?

What is self-care?

Self-care is the practice of looking after yourself to protect and/or improve your physical and mental health.

It means ensuring that we’re aware of and are actively taking care of our needs.

It’s impossible to go through life without stress or issues that we need to deal with. We all have to navigate work, family and relationship challenges that are sometimes completely out of our control.

Self-care is the act of understanding that these things have an impact so we can better take care of ourselves.

Why you need to practice self-care

Self-care sounds very simple in theory, however, the reality is that it’s often something we overlook. We can be so busy doing things for other people, we forget about looking after ourselves too.

Yet, in order to be able to do our jobs properly and care for others, we need to be in a good physical and emotional state. We need energy and balanced emotions; otherwise, it’s easy to feel frazzled, snappy or simply run down.

The emergency drill on planes always tell you to put your oxygen mask on before helping someone else. I’ve never really understood this; thinking my first reaction would be to save my child (and then remove my high heeled shoes to go down the big slide – joke). But the reality is, you can’t save anyone, if you can’t breathe. You need to equip yourself to make sure you can look after everyone else.

I appreciate that’s quite a bleak example; however, hopefully the message behind it makes sense. You have to look after yourself to be the best for everyone else.

you can’t pour from an empty cup

Self-care and understanding what your mind and body needs means you can protect and preserve yourself. Fundamentally, it will give you more energy and help you feel better able to deal with challenges as they come along. Practising self-care doesn’t make us selfish; we’re just recognising we have needs too.

When we don’t take care of ourselves, we’re more likely to feel fatigued and get physical symptoms, such as headaches and stomach issues.

Self-care helps us to create that balance.

How to start a self-care routine? Carry out a self-care audit

The best way to start a self-care routine is to recognise you need to think about yourself too amongst, everything else that’s happening in your life.

We all have different issues happening at different times in our lives so it makes sense that what we need from a self-care routine will be unique to all of us.

Try to reflect on where you are currently. Ask yourself questions about how you’re feeling. Are you tired? Are your emotions hard to deal with? Do you think you’re suffering with signs of stress such as feeling teary, snappy or down?

I created this self-care audit template so you can work through it and see what areas you could focus on. All you need to do is reflect on some of the questions and see if there are some simple changes or actions you can take to look after yourself better.

Often we don’t see the toll that stress or life challenges are taking on us until it’s too late, so identifying potential triggers helps us put self-care strategies in place. As a doctor would say: prevention is better than cure.

It’s also important to remember, your self-care routine will need to adapt and change depending on what else is going on in your life so check in with yourself regularly.

20 simple self-care ideas

quick and easy self-care ideas
  1. Practice self-compassion and talk to yourself as though you’re a friend and not a critic.
  2. Run a bath. Yes, I know a hot bath with candles is a self-care cliche. However, it’s a great way to take 20 minutes out for yourself and rest your muscles.
  3. Remember done is better than perfect. Give yourself a break.
  4. Get into good sleep patterns.
  5. Create and reinforce boundaries.
  6. Take time out for yourself. Go to a yoga class, read a book – anything that’s just for you.
  7. Drink more water.
  8. Go for a walk. Fresh air and exercise are always beneficial.
  9. Practice mindfulness which has proven benefits on improving mental health. Daily meditation will help with stress relief and calming an overactive mind. Try Andrew Johnson or the Headspace App.
  10. Talk about your feelings and try not to let things build up. I appreciate this is easier said than done so think about journaling and write about your feelings instead.
  11. Are you eating properly? My diet turns to custard when I get busy. I don’t have the time to buy food, never mind cook it.. Try to plan in advance with a few frozen meals so you have something nutritious to eat when time is minimal.
  12. Choose a couple of things each day to tick off your to do list. There’s only so much you can do in a day so try to break down tasks, rather than feeling a failure for not achieving the unachievable.
  13. Have a digital detox. Ever fall down an Instagram rabbit hole and wonder what you’re doing with your life? Yes, me too. Think about switching off your phone once a week or after 8pm.
  14. Prepare in advance. There is a saying that says: ‘a Sunday well spent, brings a week of content’ and it’s true. I find if I plan for my week ahead, then life runs a lot smoother.
  15. Learn to say no. I often find myself saying yes to things out loud even though I’m saying no in my head, which is utterly ridiculous. It’s a hard habit to shake but an important one.
  16. Keep a gratitude diary. I feel I bang on about my gratitude practice a lot but it’s one of the easiest ways to change your neural pathways and help you feel more positive about life.
  17. Focus on your own personal growth. It’s hard to go through life without picking up some emotional baggage. It’s good to focus on your own self-development and become more self-aware as a result.
  18. Put yourself first. If you’re tired and you don’t want to go to something, then don’t go. You’re allowed to rest and recuperate.
  19. Celebrate your successes. I’m great at beating myself up when I feel I’ve messed up and terrible at congratulating myself when I’ve done well.
  20. And lastly, breathe. Even focusing on your breath for a minute will help calm your thinking.

wellbeing

Retraining your neural pathways (and what that actually means)

March 5, 2019

What are neural pathways?

Our nervous system consists of neurons (nerve cells) that transmit nerve signals or messages to and from the brain. The path which this information travels along is called a neural pathway.

Our neural pathways are developed from childhood. As a baby, we learn to smile through our parents or caregivers smiling at us. We learn not to touch a hot pan from being burnt in the past. They help keep us safe and secure.

Our neural pathways aren’t just responsible for our physical responses but our emotional ones too. We develop habits through them: both positive and negative and they determine our responses to situations because of experiences in the past.

How do we retrain our neural pathways?

The brain is often described as a muscle and although biologically it’s not, it can be trained in a similar sort of way through repetition. This is in the same way as going to the gym or undertaking regular exercise.

So how exactly do you start?

The best place to start is to identify the patterns you want to change. This does take an element of self awareness and understanding patterns and behaviours you would like to create.

The next is to spend a decent amount of time practising the change you want to make. The perceived wisdom is it takes 66 days for a new habit to take effect and for your neural pathways to redevelop.

In the same way that it takes time for your body to change as a result of exercise, retraining neural pathways also doesn’t happen overnight. However, with time, you will see changes. I spent my 20s and some of my 30s feeling awkward and shy. I would clam up when I met new people but then laugh and joke with my friends. People thought I was standoffish and over the years I realised I was giving the wrong impression. I made a conscious decision to be friendly to new people. The more I did it, the easier it became. It’s now second nature to me.

Many of us go through life feeling like our confidence is holding us back and our previous life experiences have affected our future. Retraining our neural pathways gives us the opportunity to reset the balance. Yes, it takes practice but one that is potentially life-changing.

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